Extraordinary…Even though everyone has their own definition of what happiness is, I’ve always believed it to be foolish to assert that there is no benefit to being aware of how happy other people are.
When trying to figure out how to be happy, it can be helpful to observe the behaviors of other people and then adopt only the aspects that you find beneficial.
This will allow you to maximize your potential for joy. Instead of trying to live life in accordance with a predetermined set of rules for how to have fun, the objective is to look for inspiration.
Because I have such an interest in the topic, I have spent a lot of time reading scholarly articles about it. Because discovering ways to bring joy into one’s work and life is such an important topic, I am always on the lookout for novel ideas and novel points of view.
In the following paragraphs, I’m going to discuss a few of the studies that are among my favorites.
Table of Contents
- 1 1. Put less emphasis on yourself and extraordinary on others
- 2 2. Keep yourself occupied, but don’t be in a rush
- 3 3. Always maintain a minimum of five close relationships
- 4 4. Be the person who starts things off in your relationships
- 5 5. Stop engaging in uninteresting small talk!
- 6 6. You Should Award Yourself a Prize (The Small Pleasures Matter)
- 7 7. Make plans to have a good time and spend your money on experiences that will stick with you for a long time
- 8 8. At all times, remember to keep your focus on the end goal
- 9 9. Show some signs of gratitude to those who have helped you
- 10 10. Seek out the joy that can be found in the expressions of others
- 11 11. Transform the way you think about things
- 12 12. Select a field of expertise and become an expert in it
- 13 13. Strive to be the best you can be
- 14 14. Exercise
- 15 15. Do not allow time to have the upper hand in your life
1. Put less emphasis on yourself and extraordinary on others
Being humble does not mean thinking less highly of oneself; rather, it means thinking of oneself less frequently. A humble attitude necessitates less frequent self-reflection.
C.S. Lewis said some wise words. But, Lewis, do you think that they actually lead to genuine happiness in life? The most recent research on self-esteem paints a very contradictory picture: it appears that high self-esteem is certainly related to happiness, but it can also cause other ego problems.
The state of our self-esteem has become somewhat of a conundrum as a direct result of this research, which presents a picture that is very inconsistent.
Some students, whose levels of self-esteem were correlated with their grades, experienced slight increases in self-esteem when they received an acceptance letter (from graduate school) but significant decreases when they were rejected.
For instance, the findings of a number of studies point to the fact that a self-esteem that is based on the accomplishments of others may not be stable.
One study found that when students received a letter of acceptance to graduate school, their levels of self-esteem increased slightly; on the other hand, when they were rejected, their levels of self-esteem dropped significantly.
People whose self-esteem is based not only on their professional achievements but also on how they look have had similar things said about them.
People who don’t strongly link their self-esteem to external motivators, on the other hand, have less of an emotional “roller coaster” in response to events, which makes them generally happier.
This is because people who do not strongly link their self-esteem to external motivators are more emotionally stable. This is a result of the fact that they are less likely to allow the events in their lives to affect their feelings.
It is possible for someone with high self-esteem to develop a mentality that “protects” the self-esteem by self-handicapping so that they are never seen as a failure.
This way of thinking can make people worry more about not failing than about getting what they want. When someone has high self-esteem, a mentality that “protects” the self-esteem by self-handicapping can develop. It’s possible that this is the risk that is most understated when it comes to having high self-esteem.
The speaker elaborated by saying, “I wasn’t even trying, so it doesn’t matter that I failed because I wasn’t even trying.”
Instead, you should take C.S.’s recommendation. Lewis and I will attempt to find a middle ground between the two extremes.
Lewis, you shouldn’t think of yourself as a lesser person, but you should think of yourself as a lesser person, with the goal of improving yourself more for the sake of those around you than for the sake of your own ego. Do not misunderstand; you are not a less-developed member of the human race.
2. Keep yourself occupied, but don’t be in a rush
Is it not the case that it is much simpler to state something than it is to put it into practice?
Even though the study shows that feeling “urgent” is a direct route to feeling stressed and unhappy, it also shows that fewer and fewer people are able to find the happy medium of being just busy enough to find fulfillment in their lives.
Studies have shown that it is important to have a healthy balance of free time because boredom can be taxing; therefore, it is important to strive for a productive life at a comfortable pace.
It goes against common sense to believe that one’s level of happiness can be increased by increasing their level of output.
In order to find this healthy balance, you will need to learn how to say “no” to a lot of different opportunities.
When it comes to things that aren’t required, Derek Sivers has a rule that says it has to be either a good thing or a bad thing, regardless of the context: “Please count me in!”
To put it another way, in the event that an opportunity presents itself to you—and the more you broaden your horizons, the more opportunities will—you will need to decide whether you are enthusiastic about the idea or willing to say “no” to it.
3. Always maintain a minimum of five close relationships
I don’t say this lightly when I say that the quality of one’s relationships is probably the single most important factor in overall life satisfaction. At the very least, this is true for the vast majority of people.
I’m not telling you this as your new-age life coach; I’m telling you this because multiple studies have shown that having a small circle of close friends and family in your life can help you stay happy throughout your life.
I’m not telling you this because I’m a new-age life coach myself (it can also help you live longer).
The number is the subject of much discussion, but you shouldn’t let that divert your attention from the fact that the most important takeaway from this is that you should concentrate on the bigger picture.
I chose the number 5 as the subheading for this section because, according to information in books like “Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement,” it is the low end of the average.
National surveys show that people who say they have at least five close friends they can talk to honestly about important issues are 60% more likely to say they are “very happy.”
Recognize that there are many friends to be made and that keeping a small circle can go a long way toward making you a happy person. There are many friends to be made.
Recognize this. Recognize that there are many friends to be made. I have not yet come across any convincing evidence that having a larger social circle makes a person happier.
When all is said and done, the caliber of the people you surround yourself with is the single most important factor. However, I have not found any evidence to support the claim that increasing the number of friends you have will increase your level of happiness.
4. Be the person who starts things off in your relationships
This is important to keep in mind in all of your relationships, but it is of the utmost significance in the one you share with your significant other.
There is a wealth of evidence to support the hypothesis that the quality of many different types of relationships, most notably marriages, declines over time.
So, what are some of the other options you have?
I was reading some interesting research from Northwester University that suggests a “21-minute” relationship evaluation (I’ll forgive them because it’s an academic study), and I thought you might be interested in it as well.
Utilizing this evaluation to determine whether or not the connection is healthy is something that should be done.
In spite of the fact that the majority of the focus of the study was on marriages, one of the most significant things that I picked up on was as follows:
How would a person from the outside look at your relationship in light of what’s happened recently?
When you put a relationship on autopilot, there is a good chance that it will fail at some point, and there are few things that are more detrimental to one’s happiness than being separated from a close friend or loved one. There is a good chance that the relationship will fail at some point.
The following is a list of additional discoveries made by the study:
Keep in touch with the people you consider your closest friends on a regular basis (about every two weeks for very close friends).
Celebrate the positive things that are happening in their lives and let them know that you appreciate them by attentively listening to what they have to say rather than merely saying something like, “That’s fantastic to hear! “When engaging in conversation with other people, avoid being a narcissist.
According to studies, people take pleasure in listening to themselves talk as well as talking about themselves; as a result, you should let them do both.
It is impossible to properly care for another person without first attending to one’s own needs. Both of you will benefit from your decision to work together in this way to improve your skills and abilities.
To paraphrase what Jim Rohn has to say about it:
The best present you can give another person is your own development and growth, which should be a priority for you. When I first started talking to people, I would tell them, “If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.” Now, however, I tell them, “If you will take care of you for me, I will take care of you.”
5. Stop engaging in uninteresting small talk!
When it comes to people, those with great minds talk about concepts; those with average minds talk about events; and those with small minds talk about individuals.
There is no doubt that the quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt has made its way onto the Facebook feeds of a great number of people; however, does it have any basis in reality?
One piece of research suggests that small talk may not be able to tell how smart you are but may instead hurt your happiness.
To be fair, the researchers acknowledge the obvious significance of small talk in terms of easing into social conversations, particularly with new acquaintances (for example, “Nice to meet you; what’s your opinion on abortion?”).
Conversations that are deeper and more in-depth are preferable to meaningless small talk if you want to live a happier life in the long run.
However, meaningless small talk should be avoided at all costs. In most cases, conversing with other people is beneficial to our happiness; however, when the conversation remains consistently at the surface level, it starts to wear on us.
…the more people talked about things that didn’t matter, the happier they were. On the other hand, the more people talked about things that did matter, the less happy they were.
As a consequence of this, happy people are socially engaged with others, and the majority of the time, this engagement is about important topics.
Part of the reason why the quality of our relationships has such a big effect on our happiness is that we save our most meaningful interactions for our inner circle, which includes our family and closest friends.
6. You Should Award Yourself a Prize (The Small Pleasures Matter)
Surprisingly, research has demonstrated that in order to be truly happy, one needs to achieve a series of smaller victories along the way.
The frequency of positive and helpful experiences is a much more important factor in determining one’s level of happiness across a wide range of domains than the intensity of those experiences.
Numerous studies that used the SWLS (Satisfied with Life Scale) have shown this to be true. The results of these studies showed that having a wider range of different pleasures on a regular basis was linked to higher levels of happiness.
Be careful not to fall into this trap: reaching difficult goals that you have to work for usually makes your day-to-day life better.
Maybe this is why it is so hard to put off what we want now in order to get what we want later, but here’s how to avoid falling into that trap: When one works hard and earns what they’ve accomplished, they often find that their day-to-day life is happier as a result (working hard to get a promotion, start a successful business, win an award, get in shape, etc.).
This passage from a study that shows why the happiest people often only had one sexual partner in the previous 12 months is shared in the book “Stumbling on Happiness,” and it is included here because it is one of the funniest excerpts from a psychology book that I have ever come across.
The study shows why the happiest people often had only one sexual partner in the previous 12 months.
Why would those who have just one partner be happier than those who have more than one? One reason is that while it can be exciting to have multiple partners on occasion, having regular partners is more enjoyable on a consistent basis.
This is in contrast to having multiple partners only occasionally. It’s possible that riding a merry-go-round once every two weeks will be more entertaining than riding a roller coaster once every twelve months.
While you are concentrating on achieving your long-term goals, it is important to keep in mind that a consistent routine and a few simple pleasures can go a long way toward ensuring your happiness in the present.
7. Make plans to have a good time and spend your money on experiences that will stick with you for a long time
Even though having fun without making plans is almost always a good thing to do, a number of interesting studies have shown that making plans in advance for activities that one will participate in in the future can frequently increase the amount of enjoyment that one receives from participating in those activities.
The study before this one focused on vacations, which may not be something that people do very often because of time constraints.
On the other hand, new research that was presented and talked about in the book Stumbling on Happiness shows that making plans for a nice dinner can have the same effect.
In fact, Gilbert, the author, notes that the majority of participants would actively plan their free dinner (which they won in the study) a week in advance rather than the evening after it was awarded to them:
Why have you decided to put such restrictions on yourself? These individuals not only had the opportunity to spend several hours slurping oysters and sipping Chateau Cheval Blanc ’47 because they had to wait a week, but they also had the opportunity to look forward to all of that slurping and sipping for an entire week before it even took place.
Because they had to wait a week, these individuals had the opportunity to spend several hours slurping oysters and sipping Chateau Cheval Blanc ’47.
The study also found that “experience purchases” make people happier than other kinds of purchases. Several studies show that most people are much happier when they spend their money on life-changing experiences instead of things.
You have most likely already been informed of this information; however, why is this the case? From what I’ve read, I’ve come to the conclusion that, in general, having experiences rather than material possessions is preferable for the five reasons that are listed below:
The value of an experience can shifts over time; much like a good bottle of wine, a memorable experience usually gets better with the passage of time.
The researchers found that experiences can be talked about and relived for years, while things that can be seen and touched can become outdated in a short amount of time (“Ugh, my phone is two months out of date!”).
Research shows that people tend to think about the things they’ve done in the past. This is related to the fact that they tend to remember things from the past often.
You probably don’t have a lot of good memories of your first surfboard, but you probably have a lot of good memories of your first surfing lesson.
People take pleasure in ranking themselves against others, and if given the opportunity, they would like to be remembered. This is what makes experiences unique in comparison to other things.
The fact that we make purchases on a regular basis led researchers to discover that we are more likely to compare our purchases to those of others, which is one of the factors that can lead to feelings of buyer’s remorse.
On the other hand, experiences always have a little bit of a unique twist to them, which means that we are much less likely to make comparisons and are much more likely to simply enjoy them as they are, taking pleasure in the distinctive qualities that they possess.
Because of this, we are much less likely to make judgments based on similarities and much more likely to make judgments based on differences.
To better adapt to novel experiences, we require additional time. Consumer research suggests that one of the reasons we find new experiences so fascinating is that it takes our brains longer to adjust to them than it does to more familiar situations. Have you ever returned from an amazing experience, such as a concert, meal, or vacation, feeling as though you had a lot of extra energy?
Because of our increased adaptability, the likelihood of a recently acquired item continuing to pique your interest for an extended period of time is lower. This is due to the fact that we are better able to adjust to changes in the cost of materials.
It is common knowledge that humans are social animals; in the same way, experiences are typically discussed with other people. True solitary confinement is often called “cruel and usual” because it can hurt a person’s mental health.
Having new experiences forces us to leave the house, which can be hard in some countries, and sometimes forces us to move out of our comfort zone, which is a great way to fight the effects of getting used to things. Both of these things are excellent ways to combat the effects of habituation.
8. At all times, remember to keep your focus on the end goal
Researchers found that children who were able to resist the temptation to eat a marshmallow as soon as it was offered to them (rather than waiting for the researchers to return) performed noticeably better in a number of important aspects of life.
Some people, as a result of this, came to the conclusion that delaying gratification is a reliable indicator of future achievement.
You’ve probably already heard about the experiment with the marshmallows. In case you aren’t familiar with the findings, researchers found that children who were able to resist the temptation to eat a marshmallow as soon as it was offered to them (rather than waiting for the researchers to return) performed better on the task.
People who are able to control themselves seem to enjoy life more, which is in line with what the research found. According to the findings of the research, there unquestionably appears to be some kind of link between delaying gratification and an overall higher level of life satisfaction.
In light of the numerous studies that have repeatedly demonstrated that delaying gratification is dependent on the “strategic allocation of attention,” it seems to me that genuine self-discipline in this context is really a matter of willpower.
This is because of the numerous studies that have repeatedly demonstrated that delaying gratification is dependent on the “strategic allocation of attention.”
When asked why people get discipline and willpower wrong, the lead researcher of the Stanford marshmallow experiment, Walter Mischel, had this to say:
Children who couldn’t wait to answer were more likely to misunderstand what the rules meant. They might think that staring directly at the marshmallow is the best way to keep from eating it because it helps them keep their attention on the prize.
However, this is a terrible idea. In the event that you do that, I anticipate that you will ring the doorbell prior to my exiting the room.
You should also know that the children who showed patience did the opposite. Instead of becoming obsessed with the marshmallow, they found ways to take their minds off of it, like covering their eyes, pretending to play hide-and-seek under the desk, or singing “Sesame Street” songs.
If you keep dwelling on the marshmallow and how mouthwatering it is, you will eventually give in and eat one of them.
If you remember reading the article, I wrote on how to form good habits, you’ll see that the research backs up this idea quite nicely: the best way to ensure that you stay on the straight and narrow path that you desire is to set up barriers to prevent you from going astray, similar to the guard rails on a bowling lane.
In other words, if you want to stay on the straight and narrow path that you desire, you need to make sure that you don’t stray from it.
It is possible to get a better payoff and live a more fulfilling life if you are able to avoid compulsive distractions, just like the children in the experiment did.
However, it is important to keep in mind that the key is to make it easy to avoid them, not to force yourself to persevere through them by using willpower.
This indicates that you should place them on a shelf in the garage rather than conceal them in the cabinet in the kitchen, where you spend the most time because you use it the most.
9. Show some signs of gratitude to those who have helped you
Because psychology does not always tell us what we want to hear, it is always satisfying to perform a kind act that coincides with a significant increase in one’s own well-being. This is because psychology does not always tell us what we want to hear.
I was thrilled to find this study, which showed that being thankful to another person or even for what you already have can make you much happier.
When I found out about this study, I was ecstatic. However, this is a debate over minor details; the most important thing is that it was successful. The researchers claim that they had a success rate of 25%.
However, how exactly would something like this be implemented into the system?
According to the findings of yet another study, one of the most effective ways to increase one’s happiness and overall life satisfaction is to write thank-you notes for the people in one’s life (or even just a nice letter).
Because people don’t get as many handwritten notes as they used to, a simple “thank you” sent via text message is more forgettable than a handwritten note that expresses gratitude. This is just one of the many unintended results that can come from doing this.
A letter that is handwritten is the best way to start the process of reciprocity because there is no other way that is better. Keep in mind that genuine networking—not the sleazy kind of networking that involves exchanging business cards—is about helping other people and demonstrating to them that they are important to you.
Even though you should send it out of genuine gratitude for someone, genuine networking is about helping others and letting them know how much they mean to you. despite the fact that you should send them out of genuine gratitude to someone.
10. Seek out the joy that can be found in the expressions of others
This one more than any of the others piqued my interest.
Although the vast majority of us like to believe that we are special snowflakes, there is typically a reason why certain things are so popular.
Several studies have shown that the most accurate method for estimating the amount of pleasure we will derive from an activity is to find out how much pleasure it brought to another person.
It has been demonstrated that a woman’s ability to accurately predict how much fun she would have on a speed date can be improved by reading the rating of the woman who came before her.
This was one of the discoveries made by researchers after carrying out an investigation into this phenomenon. To put it another way, when we hear about the experience of another person, we are able to conduct an internal evaluation to determine whether or not we will also enjoy the activity.
11. Transform the way you think about things
In one study, researchers found that participants who simply listed three good things that happened that day (regardless of how minor they were) experienced increased levels of happiness and experienced fewer symptoms of depression.
In addition, if you want to feel better about the way things are going for you, it can be helpful to make an effort to see things from the perspective of another person while simultaneously avoiding a pessimistic outlook. It’s possible that shifting your viewpoint is the single most important thing you can do to improve your overall level of happiness.
It is common knowledge that “the bad stuff” weighs heavier in our minds than “the good stuff.” As a direct result of this, psychologists such as Timothy Wilson have proposed ways in which a shift in perspective can help us when things get tough:
We encouraged students to reinterpret their academic problems from the perspective of not being able to succeed in college to the perspective of simply learning the ropes of the academic world.
“We encouraged students to reinterpret their academic problems from the perspective of not being able to succeed in college.”
Students who were given this prompt the following year had better grade point averages and were less likely to drop out of school when compared to a control group that did not receive this prompt.
So, the next time you overhear someone telling someone else that they should believe in themselves and be grateful for what they have, keep in mind that it is not as easy as it may seem on the surface.
12. Select a field of expertise and become an expert in it
If you are able to excel in one area, you can increase your chances of excelling in other areas as well.
It turns out that one of the best ways to feel better about oneself is to regularly participate in activities that play to one’s signature strengths (isn’t that the most stereotypical term in the history of positive psychology?).
It turns out that this is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself.
The important thing is to zero in on something that you excel at and make it a point to do it as frequently as you can.
I am aware that this is one of the broader questions on the list, but I am hoping that Renaissance people will find it thought-provoking nonetheless.
Despite the fact that it is still possible to dabble in a variety of activities, devoting sufficient time and effort to mastering a single ability, task, or accomplishment may provide the opportunity for an exceptional experience that stands on its own.
You should also be aware that research suggests that mastering a skill may be just as stressful as you believe it to be. This is something that you should be aware of.
However, participants reported that the same activities made them feel happy and satisfied when they reflected on their day as a whole. Researchers found that the process of becoming proficient at something caused stress in people; however, participants reported that the same activities made them feel happy and satisfied.
This runs counter to the findings of the researchers, who found that the path toward mastery of a skill was stressful for people. The data presented here invalidates this conclusion.
13. Strive to be the best you can be
While I was reading the book “Engineering Happiness,” I came across some information that piqued my interest and made me want to learn more.
According to the findings of the research conducted by psychologist Jonathan Freedman, people who are able to set goals for themselves, both short- and long-term, report significantly higher levels of happiness. [Citation needed]
Other research (which you can find here and here) seems to back up this finding. It says that having goals in life gives us a sense of meaning, direction, and focus that can be hard to find if we don’t have anything to work toward (“Life is a journey, not a destination,” so to speak).
I’ve read a portion of this research, and it seems to back up the conclusion that has been drawn.
According to research by psychologist Richard Davidson, achieving a specific goal not only stimulates positive emotions but also has the potential to prevent negative ones like fear and (non-clinical) depression.
According to the findings of yet another study, researchers found that people who set lofty goals for themselves tend to report higher levels of happiness.
This was one of the main takeaways from the study. You shouldn’t go too far (let’s aim for trillionaire status; let’s do this), but you should be aware that lofty goals are frequently required to get people moving in the first place. In other words, you shouldn’t set your sights too low.
14. Exercise
This one cannot be avoided, so there is no need for a flowery headline. There are so many benefits (both physically and psychologically) that you should engage in some kind of consistent physical activity, and it doesn’t matter how much you dislike working out. You should do it anyway.
Studies have shown that regular exercise is a good way to improve your mood, get more energy, and feel less stressed. These studies add to the mountain of evidence that already supports this claim.
Even though the participants’ bodies stayed the same shape, just being physically active made them feel better about themselves, according to the results of one study.
This new discovery emphasizes the importance of starting an exercise routine as soon as possible if you do not already have one.
It is true that beginning an exercise routine can be challenging, but it is possible that beginning with a workout that only lasts seven minutes will be sufficient.
According to the findings of some studies, a short, high-intensity workout that lasts only seven minutes can provide a variety of advantages to one’s health.
In addition, those who are just beginning to participate in the activity typically experience the largest increase in happiness.
The body’s natural release of endorphins has the potential to become addictive. This means that over time, you will have to work harder to feel the same level of pleasure.
The question now is, “What about the rest of us?” Shaking up our normal routines and making time for regular exercise are two of the most important factors that determine our level of happiness over the course of our entire lives. Furthermore, you should do a lot and a lot of deadlifts.
15. Do not allow time to have the upper hand in your life
Even though it does not contain as much scientific evidence as the rest of the items on this list, I still consider it to be one of the most important (the most important one is maintaining strong relationships, bar none).
If you’ve ever heard of or read the infamous Top 5 Regrets of the Dying Study, you’ll remember that the number one regret was not living one’s life in accordance with one’s own dreams. If you haven’t heard of or read the study, you can find it online here.
The majority of people felt this was the decision they regretted the most. When a person comes to the realization that their life is coming to an end and takes the time to objectively reflect on it, it is easy to see how many of their dreams have not been realized by the time they reach the end of their life.
They were forced to face death knowing that it was due to decisions they had made, or failed to make, and knowing that it was because of their own actions or inactions.
The majority of people had not even completed one-half of their goals. When their health is compromised, most people don’t appreciate how liberating good health can be until it’s gone.
The most important wake-up call from this situation may be the realization that these people didn’t want this to happen, that one day blended into the next and “someday” went by, and that a call to pursue a certain dream went unanswered.
Another important wake-up call that this situation gives is the realization that one day blends into the next and “someday” goes by.
We would be glad to hear your ideas and feelings about the topic.
https://www.quora.com/?time=1681383031630812&uid=1992540444&unh=c5cebd574a5252671b9e2e2707db8477
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