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“Life is 10% what occurs to you and 90% how you respond to it.” Charles Swindoll

This important guide – quote by Charles Swindoll suggests that how we react to things that happen in our lives is much more important than the things themselves. In other words, only a small portion of our lives are defined by external causes over which we have no control, while the bulk is influenced by how we respond to those events.

This idea can be used in many different parts of our lives, from our personal relationships to our career goals. It means that we have a lot of control over our own happiness and success, no matter what happens to us. It encourages us to focus on our own attitudes and emotions rather than feeling helpless or victimized by circumstances beyond our control.

Ultimately, this phrase serves as a reminder that we have the capacity to mold our own lives through the decisions we make and the way we choose to respond to the difficulties and opportunities that come our way.

One day, everything appears to be fine in your world—maybe not ideal, but everything appears to be going as planned. And then something happens. U may lose your job, or someone you love, or your home, or maybe even your health.

It’s unfair. You don’t deserve it. You weren’t expecting it. You weren’t expecting it. You’re overwhelmed by emotions and frustrations, and you’re not sure what to do first, or if you really want to do anything at all. Or what you would have done if you had known sooner. Or what others should have done to assist you.

All are excellent choices if you want to maximize your agony while feeling justified in doing so. It’s not so wonderful if you want to deal with it and move on.

When something horrible happens, you’ll eventually have to do something, and the sooner you do it, the better off you’ll be.

There are numerous opportunities to practice effective dealing.

And believe me, getting through tough times isn’t about blind faith and optimism; it’s about resiliency. It is a quality that each and every one of us possesses; we simply need to learn how to harness it. My hope is that after reading this post, you’ll have a toolbox of 16 actionable tactics to help you get through tough situations.

Each method won’t always work, but by having a diverse set of tools, you’ll always have something that works, no matter what you’re going through. Keep in mind that each of these techniques is a practice, and with time, they will become stronger, easier, and more successful.

We will all go through numerous terrible periods in our lives. It’s a milestone, just like everything else. How we respond to them can form our lives and identities. Some of these occasions will put us to the ultimate test. We’ll think we can’t get past them, but we can. We have everything we require within us.

Like I have gone through a lot in the last few years, including multiple major losses, toxic circumstances, health issues, financial and job challenges, natural disasters, depression, and more. I faced a significant struggle every two weeks this year, in particular. I felt as if I couldn’t recover from one thing before another occurred.

I have faced both good and bad situations during these trying times. What I’ve learned in dealing with adversity is that it’s never about the situation itself; it’s always about your attitude and the techniques you employ.

These are 23 ideas that have helped us and others I have advised get through difficult situations. The tactics are a combination of personal experience, my professional experience and training as a behavior analyst, and the mental health research I conduct. I sincerely hope you discover a technique here that will help you get through whatever you’re going through right now. Just remember that you are never alone and that no difficult time lasts forever. You can and will overcome this.

Experience YOUR Emotions

I know you’re sick of hearing it, but feeling your feelings is one of the most crucial things to do when going through a difficult moment.

So frequently, we try to ignore our emotions or pretend they don’t exist. This is not effective. Whether you want to admit it or not, the feeling is still present and affects your mind and body.

Even though it seems counterintuitive, admitting how you feel makes them less important to you.

This entails several processes.

Step 1: Recognize the correct feeling.

It’s all too simple for us to focus on the most superficial feelings, but that may not be what’s genuinely affecting us. These are three methods that can help you determine your true feelings.

Free write: It’s amazing what hidden gems we can find in a free write. Write constantly for 15 minutes without pausing, asking yourself, “Why does this affect me?” and continue to ask “why” until you reach a deeper level.

Discover your go-to feelings—we all have cognitive patterns from our infancy that we carry with us. They are so powerful that any terrible scenario can set them off and cause us to relive the same experience, even though that is not what we are feeling. Spend some time investigating your negative thought habits.

For example, if you fall right into feeling abandoned or angry, it’s worth some thought to see if that’s actually what you’re experiencing at this time or if that’s just your default pattern. Before you feel your feelings, be sure they are accurate for what is happening right now. This will give your “go-to” less control over you.

Employ an emotion wheel—the feelings we detect first are frequently the most basic. Employ an emotion wheel to identify the more complex feelings you’re having.

Step 2: Accept Your Feelings

Now that you’ve identified what you’re experiencing, the next stage is to actually experience it. Dedicate some time to really process your emotions. This will look different for everyone, but here are some ideas:

Sit with it and let the feelings wash over you.

Physically express it (examples: crying, punching pillows to express anger).

Express yourself artistically (examples: scrapbook, draw about it).

Discuss it with someone or write about it in a journal.

When feeling your feelings, try to focus on what you’re feeling rather than repeating the incident in your mind. The event has concluded. Now concentrate on how you feel.

Step 3: Perform it on both a regular and limited basis.

Experiencing your feelings is a process that takes time. It’s something you’ll need to do on a frequent basis to completely process. When you’re going through a tough moment, you should make time for yourself every day. In the future, you might be able to do it only when the emotions arise.

You’ll have to experiment to determine what time duration works best for you. My sweet spot appears to be between 15 and 30 minutes. More than that, and I’ll be wallowing. Set aside a specified period of time to feel your emotions, then follow up with an action that is in line with your values. Next, more on that.

FAQ: What should I do if an emotion arises at random?

Answer: Recognize it. If that comes up, that’s fine. Recognize your feelings without passing judgment. Do something related to your values next.

APPLY YOUR Principles

The most effective way to feel like we are living a happy, satisfied, and meaningful life is to allow our values to guide our activities. Engaging in an action related to your principles after feeling your feelings is one of the best ways, I’ve found for getting through difficult situations.

Here’s how to utilize it: Steps 1 and 2 will only need to be repeated once, or if your values change. In the future, you can skip to step 3.

Step 1: Determine your interests.

What are your guiding principles? Just 1-2 values should be included in this list. More than that, and you can’t really be honest with them. Check out this guide if you need help determining your essential values.

Step 2: Create a list

This is a one-time investment in your time that will be extremely beneficial. Make a list of things you can do in 5, 10, 30, or 60 minutes that will help you live your core value. Put this list somewhere you’ll have quick access to it, so you can refer to it whenever you need it.

Here’s an example of something that could be on my list: Joy and making a difference are two of my key principles.

5 minutes of joy

• Take a couple deep breaths.
• Dance crazily to a song.
• Watch a beautiful bunny video.
• Step outside.
• Consider smelling a flower.

30 minutes of Joy

• Go for a walk.
• Have a dance party.
• Make a phone call to a friend.
• A book should be read.

Making a difference in 5 minutes:

• Donate now
• Check on someone I know who is struggling.
• Compliment someone.

Step 3: Take a value-based action.

Now that you’ve felt your emotion, channel it in a positive way by doing something that pertains to one of your values.

The simplest approach to accomplishing this is to simply act without even thinking about it. Examine your list and choose an activity based on the amount of time you have. Do it now! Don’t get too caught up in it or overanalyze it. Just do it.

It might not make you feel better, but that isn’t the objective. The objective is just to keep advancing toward living a life based on our principles. Redirecting your energy in this manner will become easier and more natural with time.

You are not doing something to “make yourself feel better,” which is a crucial point to remember. This action is important to you because it allows you to live your ideals. If it makes you feel better, that’s just a bonus.

Learning to live in duality is one of the most difficult and perhaps most crucial skills I’ve ever had to learn.

Life is never this or that. Always this and that.

When we accept duality, we can experience much greater tranquility.

I can be both sad and grateful at the same time.

I can be so angry at someone and so in love with them.

I am able to experience deep grief while still experiencing joy.

I can be working toward fulfilling my ideals while not being productive right now.

It will be easier to process our sentiments once we have made space for them and allowed them. When we try to resist our sentiments, for example, by telling ourselves that we shouldn’t be sad because we have so much to be grateful for, we only create internal conflict and make ourselves feel worse.

Your brain desires equilibrium. It desires to experience both emotions. When you battle against one, your brain experiences further conflict.

There is a place for everything. All of it can coexist.

When you fully believe in duality, you are able to recognize the joy all around you in addition to living in less conflict. You’ll be more receptive to it. While you are in a black and white space, you may be cut off from any other possibilities that are available at the time.

Here’s the deal: We can never wish away our negative ideas and emotions. Even after we’ve set aside time to deal with emotions and taken action in accordance with our principles, those feelings may still be there. That’s OK. Understand that you can’t make a feeling go away. It’s like being told not to think about a purple elephant. You can’t help but think about a purple elephant.

Feelings are the same. If you tell yourself not to think about it or feel it, you will. We only need to learn how to coexist with them.

It can be good to connect an image to an emotion when going through difficult circumstances and living with them. I really prefer the idea of a driver and passenger in a car.

I’m in the car with my negative sentiments. We’re both going along for the trip. That is something I have no control over. Who drives and who sits in the passenger seat is something I can manage? Put yourself in the driver’s seat and your emotions in the passenger seat. I generally giggle at the visual.

When the feeling arises for you, that’s fine; we’ve already accepted that the emotion will be in the passenger seat. It will follow you everywhere you go. It’s not a huge deal.

What matters is if that emotion tries to instruct you on how to drive or where to go. The feeling is neither your navigation system nor your driving teacher. The vehicle is in your control.

When you first start to deal with this image, it might help to picture this situation and tell the feeling to stop taking the wheel. You will choose your destination. You might not need this in the long run. Allowing the emotion to exist as you make the decisions will feel more comfortable.

I like this Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for more suggestions on how to create a visual that works for you and activities to deal with worry.

IMPROVE YOUR GRATITUDE PRACTICE

I feel like a broken record when it comes to talking about practicing thankfulness, but it’s really vital. What you focus on is what you see. If you concentrate on what is going well, you are more likely to notice it. I strongly advise starting a daily appreciation practice. Three things in the morning and three things at night

When going through a difficult period, I think it is beneficial to tailor your appreciation practice to be closely tied to the situation. For example, after a recent pregnancy loss, I expressed three things that I’m grateful for every morning and night. Examples include: I had the experience of being pregnant, I have a terrific support system, and my body is recovering.

This will assist you in shifting your perspective. Realistically, no matter how awful things are, there are certain to be some advantages.

Don’t overlook the insignificant details that we sometimes overlook! Walking, breathing… They may seem little to you, but as someone who saw their mother lose these talents, I am eternally grateful for these fundamentals.

Remember duality in this situation. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be sad. I’m suggesting you can be sad and grateful at the same time.

If you’re having trouble thinking of things to be grateful for, try coming up with only one. Your brain likes things to be simple. If it finds that coming up with something excellent was simple, it will conclude that life must be good.

ENTER A GRATITUDE FLOW STATE

A practice of being thankful is fantastic, but genuinely feeling appreciation from the inside out has a significant impact.

This will require some trial and error, but if you figure it out, it’s a life-changing method.

Choose an activity that makes you feel grateful from the inside out. It’s like being in a “flow condition.”

This is not the same as simply engaging in activities that you enjoy. Not all of your favorite hobbies will put you in a sense of genuine thankfulness. For example, I enjoy reading, but it does not put me in this state.

Experiment until you find what works for you.

Once you’ve obtained it, develop the habit of engaging in this activity on a regular basis. When you do participate in the activity, pay attention to your sensations of well-being. Praise your body, the universe, God, or whatever resonates with you for this great experience. Actively identifying and emphasizing the feel-good feelings helps them become more visible and easier to access in the future.

EXERCISE IS ESSENTIAL FOR GETTING THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES

All I want is to curl up on the couch or in bed and remain there forever. Yet I also know that exercising will make me feel better.

It’s like a never-ending circle. Feel awful; don’t want to exercise; feel much worse. At some point, you just have to push yourself to break the cycle.

Here are a few suggestions:

Convince yourself you only need to do it for 10 minutes. Do that and be proud of yourself! The goal here is to feel good, not to stress over what you could’ve done better.

Have an accountability companion who will motivate you to accomplish it.

Consider all of the reasons why it will feel good and be beneficial to your mental health.

There is a lot of fresh research on why exercise is so crucial for your overall mood as well as emotions of despair and anxiety. This book is highly recommended if you’re interested in learning more. For a quick summary, listen to this audio episode. The findings will strongly encourage you to exercise!

One of the most interesting things was that our brains have dopamine receptors, which let us feel happiness. With age, lifestyle choices, or various health conditions, certain receptors become unavailable. This means they are incapable of experiencing joy. Scientists are unsure whether humans can manufacture additional dopamine receptors, but we can alter whether or not they are available.

Exercise is the simplest technique to improve receptor availability to generate feel-good responses to varied stimuli. This means that exercising helps you have a more optimistic view and feel more joy. Very cool!

On a personal, rather than scientific, level, I’ve discovered that exercising helps me get stuck or worried energy out of my body. It’s also the most efficient technique for me to enter a flow state of thankfulness. Now that you’ve felt your emotion, channel it in a positive way by doing something that pertains to one of your values.

BE VERY AWARE OF WHAT YOU LET INTO YOUR SPACE.

Anything you surround yourself with has a big influence on your mood, attitude, and beliefs. While I feel that having boundaries with who/what you allow into your mental and physical space is always important, I believe it is especially vital when going through difficult times.

This is the time to be selective about who you interact with, listen to, and spend time with—even if they are only on social media! This is also a good moment to put aside a sad or violent book or television show. Nothing else can add to your anxiety or sense of fight or flight.

It will be tough to remove someone who is negative or triggering from your life, but you can set some limits.

Pay close attention to how you feel after interacting with someone or consuming their stuff. Determine who is a drain on your energy.

If that individual is non vital to your life, consider shutting them out only until you get through this terrible period

Set limits if the person is important in your life.

Minimize your contact with them.

Speak to them during a time of day when it will have the least impact on you (for example, before bed may affect your sleep)

Establish a “mental boundary” before speaking with them by reminding yourself that everything they say is their truth and does not have to be your truth. Let it to bounce off of you as much as possible.

After that, do something to relieve stress or move around to physically “shake it out.”

Now is a great time to think about promoting positive content, in addition to limiting negative information on your site.Consider reading an inspirational book or listening to a good podcast. Make an effort to surround yourself with as much positive motivation as possible.

Here are some of my favorite inspirational books:

• Everything is figureatable.
• The Book of Awakening
• Return to Love
• Super Attractor
• The Four Agreements
• The Joy of Movement
• Essentialism
• A Walk in the Wood
• The Happiness Trap

REMOVE SLACK WHEN OVERCOMING DIFFICULT TIMES

We don’t function at our best during difficult times. Our memory is impaired, our energy is depleted, and nothing is operating normally. That means it’s completely normal to experience a decrease in energy and productivity. Most of your energy is focused on maintaining harmony with whatever is going on. Take it easy on yourself during this time and pay close attention to your body.

Is your body in need of extra sleep? Is it in need of additional movement? Is it in need of more nourishing and grounded foods? Provide your body with what it requires!

When I’m going through a difficult moment, I realize that my body craves warmer, heavier things. Salads and smoothies are generally my favorites, but when things are tough, I eat a lot more bowls, soups, and pastas. I’ve also noticed that my body requires a lot more exercise than usual to “shake off” any nervousness rather than storing it.

We’ve all been taught to measure our self-worth depending on our productivity, but that’s just an unhealthy mental pattern. Now is an excellent time to try to separate your sense of value from your achievements.

Instead, reframe your achievements. What do you need to do right now? Perhaps you should concentrate on self-care. Perhaps it’s to be present for your family. Whatever it is, put value on that rather than the tangible accomplishments we generally associate with productivity.

If you’re having trouble entirely letting go of the idea of productivity, you might want to build up goals and check boxes for yourself based on what you need right now. You simply need to alter your production emphasis to what will help you get through this period. Then be proud of yourself! Beating yourself up will only add to your anxiousness right now, so do everything you can to create optimism for yourself.

If you’re having difficulty being compassionate to yourself, pretend you’re talking to a friend. What would you tell a friend who was frustrated because they weren’t being productive during a difficult time in their life?

When I experience particularly difficult years or seasons, I remind myself that, in the larger scheme of things, not every year or season can be a growing year. Some years and seasons are meant for introspection and survival. For me, getting through periods like this in the best way possible will set the tone for the coming years.

ASK FOR HELP AND COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU NEED

Let’s be clear about one thing. We are not islands. We cannot survive by ourselves.

We need an equal amount of give and take in order to build and sustain successful relationships.

I struggle with allowing others to be there for me since I value feeling competent and being there for others. It’s something I’ve discovered makes my relationships less deep than I’d like them to be. I’m always working on it.

When articulating your needs and asking for assistance, you must first understand what you require. I don’t always know how to explain what I need because I don’t know what it is.Then something happens that I find unhelpful, and I become irritated.

I’ve been learning to take the time to figure out what I need. Then, in very plain and objective terms, communicate it to the other person. I also find it’s good to express it in a way that doesn’t blame the other person and helps give them perspective as to why it will be so helpful for me.

Instead of getting frustrated that Bassam didn’t help with supper, I may remark, “Bassam, I’m feeling particularly stressed today. I think I’d feel a lot better if I could squeeze in 20 minutes of exercise. “Can you prepare xyz so I have time?” When I phrase it that way, he’s more than willing to assist! Then I’ll thank him and say, “Thank you very much for taking on that!” Taking some time for myself made me feel a lot better.”

Receiving that encouragement makes him more motivated to take on new challenges in the future. He recognizes the great impact his actions had on me. He wants to make me happy because he loves me. He may not always be aware of what he is capable of, thus it is my responsibility to explain it clearly and nicely.

I’m not saying that I always frame my requests in this way perfectly; I’ve just seen that when I have the extra time to do it this way, the result is much better.

There are numerous needs that can be communicated.

• Delegating a task
• Requesting time alone
• Stating that you need time to vent
• Seeking advice

Requesting that someone STOP doing something (e.g., “I’ve been having a hard time lately, and I’ve found I need to minimize my stress as much as possible for a while. Would you mind if I avoided talking to you about (topic) for a while?”

Seeing a professional is one of the most significant methods to seek assistance. If you are experiencing difficulty navigating a difficult situation on your own, consulting with a mental health expert can be life-changing! Not only may they provide you with tailored tools and methods to attempt, but talking it out with someone whose job it is to listen can be really beneficial. Here, you can find a therapist.

TAKE CHARGE AND LET THE REST RIDE

It is natural to want to feel in control. One of the most difficult challenges people face when going through difficult times is a sense of loss of control. You may not be able to directly control what is happening, but there are some things you can do. Focusing on what you can control will make you feel less chaotic.

Make a list of three things you can control right now and stick to it. Perhaps it’s a ritual or a habit you can put in place. Perhaps it is directly tied to what is going on. These are some examples of what I considered to be under my control throughout various difficult times:

Removed from our home due to a natural disaster; can’t control whether or not our home will be safe, but can control: daily thankfulness practice, finding a location to do laundry

Prenatal depressive episode: I can’t control: vomiting 12 times a day; brain chemistry; but I can control: going for a daily walk.

I have no control over getting sick, but I can control how I fuel my body with good foods, light exercise, and sleep.

It’s critical to recognize what you can and cannot control in this situation. It makes little sense to be concerned about something that is simply a fact, such as gravity. Allow it to go.

If there is something that can be done, figure out what it is. You will feel better spending your energy there if you can do something about it rather than fretting about it. It will also assist you in letting go of some of your anxiety because you will feel more in control.

CONSTRUCTIVELY DISCUSS IT

It can be really beneficial to chat with others about how things are going when going through difficult times, but how we talk about something can have a significant impact on how resilient we are. If we consistently talk about something in a bad way, it will perpetuate that idea. Life is what we see, but it’s also what we talk about and think about all the time.

Having said that, venting can be quite beneficial! It’s a terrific method to get something off your chest and process your emotions. We just need to strike a balance here.

Consider setting a time limit while venting to someone. My personal time restriction is comparable to the one I use for “feeling my feelings,” which is between 15 and 30 minutes. Rant all you want and be as negative as you want. Once the time is up, redirect the discourse to something more constructive.

Perhaps this includes discussing actionable solutions for overcoming or feeling better about what’s going on. Perhaps you can even end the conversation on a nice note.

Cutting oneself off in this manner will feel unpleasant and strange at first.  With practice, you’ll find that you’re naturally able to feel like that length of time was all you needed to vent, and you’re ready to start being constructive right now.

If your discussion partner is unwilling to support you in having a constructive or good conversation, you should reconsider using them as a sounding board for venting. I know there are individuals in my life who are much more comfortable remaining in the negative, and while I may want to vent with them because I know how satisfyingly negative they can be, I also have to remember that it’s not beneficial in the long run.

I’d like to emphasize that I’m not suggesting it’s wrong to rant. I’m simply stating that we must maintain a sense of balance in this situation.

IMPROVE YOUR SELF-CARE WHILE EXPERIENCING DIFFICULT TIMES

While we are going through a difficult moment, we often neglect our own needs. Maybe we don’t think we have time, maybe we feel guilty, or maybe our thoughts are just too busy to even consider it.

But here’s the catch. Self-care is unavoidable. Self-care is what allows us to maintain our resiliency.

Rather than abandoning self-care during difficult circumstances, we should intensify it.

I definitely encourage taking a look at your calendar and working out how you can fit in some self-care morning, noon, and night. It doesn’t have to be something extravagant; merely 5 minutes will suffice.

Having these frequent check-in times throughout the day to check in with yourself and give yourself a small boost will help you get through everything much more easily. It will also help you stay on track throughout the day, rather than waiting until you’ve reached your breaking point to engage in self-care.

Here are some simple self-care suggestions:

• consume a nutritious meal.
• go for a fast stroll (even 5 minutes!)
• Take a few deep breaths.
• stretch
• Watch a video of the ocean (or whatever form of nature you prefer).

journal If one of these self-care sessions could be a little longer (like 30 to 60 minutes), that would be wonderful, but you’ll receive great results even if you simply start with five.

Consider self-care an investment in your future self. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll create difficulties for yourself that you’ll have to deal with later. Perhaps it will be your own diminishing health, or perhaps it will be the less than ideal way you will converse with loved ones. Rather than making a mess for yourself later, make proactive efforts to improve your attitude and resilience. Even if you don’t believe you require it.

PS: Scrolling through social media or playing phone games does not constitute self-care.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

Thinking “this is happening for me” rather than “this is happening to me” is a positive perspective shift. It’s a minor variation in terminology, but the difference in meaning is enormous.

This is what is happening to me: my mindset is limited. I am a victim in this situation. I’ve been punished. Nothing ever goes as planned for me.

This is what is occurring to me: a growth attitude. Even if I can’t see it right now, there’s something I can learn or anything that could help me here.

Even if you don’t feel this situation may be right for you, try asking yourself how it could be. Our minds despise unresolved questions. They will attempt to “close the loop” by filling in the blanks. By asking your brain, “Why is this for me?” your brain will begin attempting to find an answer.

Maybe this time will teach you anything. Perhaps there is room for advancement. Perhaps there’s a way for you to be creative and discover something you wouldn’t have discovered.

Make a list of 23 reasons why this could be a good fit for you. You don’t even need to believe it, consider it a creative exercise. Make an effort to come up with at least 23 options. According to studies, when people generate 25 ideas, they begin to become extremely creative. The first few ideas are usually superficial, but as you reach the 20 mark, they become much more imaginative and deep.

BE AWARE OF WHAT IS REAL AND PRESENT.

It’s difficult not to think about the future when you’re worried about something or going through a difficult period, but that’s where the majority of pain and suffering is found.

When you begin to worry about what might happen in the future, gently bring yourself back to the present. (The crucial word here is “gently”).

What exactly is going on right now? Are you safe and healthy in the present moment? What’s great about the present moment? You are reading this content at this very moment. Perhaps you can find some thankfulness in the fact that the internet exists and that we all have free resources at the push of a button.

Living in the present moment can be challenging and frightening at times, especially when the current moment is difficult. I still encourage you to return to the present moment and fully immerse yourself in it. You will have less hidden trauma to deal with later if you live in the moment. It’s fine if you can’t cope with the situation right now. However, make a deliberate decision to check out or plan a future vacation.

REFRESH YOUR VOCABULARY

The words you use are really important. They are responsible for shaping your thinking and worldview. Your thinking and viewpoint define your entire life.

Have you ever had the same experience as someone else and taken away two completely different things? That is because it makes no difference what we are looking at or feeling. What matters is what we think.

If you can improve the language you use while speaking to yourself and others, it will have a significant impact on how you feel.

Here are a couple such examples:

• I get to do this as opposed to having to do it.
• I WANT TO vs. I AM FORCED TO (You are never forced to do anything. There is ALWAYS an option)
• This is happening TO me as opposed to FOR me.

MAKE ACCEPTANCE A PRIORITY RIGHT AWAY.

Coping with a difficult situation can be similar to grieving, and people frequently go through the same stages: shock and denial, sorrow and guilt, rage and bargaining, and so on.

You may not be able to completely suppress your feelings, but you may choose to accept what has occurred, regardless of how you feel about it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can act from your current position, which is the only way to modify your feelings.

It’s like the remark from a recent post on getting started when you don’t feel ready: “Don’t wait for your sentiments to alter to take action.” Do action, and your feelings will shift.”

REMOVE THE WORD “FAIR” FROM YOUR VOCABULARY.

We’re all about fairness as youngsters. “It’s not fair that he took my train.” “You promised to get me a new bikers. “It’s not fair that he took my train.” “You promised to get me a new bike—that’s not fair!” “That crayon was mine first—not that it’s fair.”

You’d think we’d learn early on that life isn’t fair, but instead we cling to our preconceived notions of how things should be. Hard labor should be recognized and appreciated. Compassion should be returned. When things don’t work out that way, we feel furious at the world and horrible for ourselves.

Being angry about how unfair life is won’t change the fact that things often happen that you can’t predict or control. When you find yourself in an unjust spiral, remind yourself, “It is what it is.” And then choose a reaction that resonates with the way you’d like the world to be.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE LIFE LESSON.

Richard Carlson proposes in Don’t Sweat the Small Things that you pretend that everyone else is enlightened except you—that everyone you meet is meant to teach you something.

In this approach, you’ll view someone who irritates or frustrates you as an opportunity to practice patience. This similar approach can help you enhance your interpretation of and response to life situations.

If you lost your job, perhaps the lesson in life is to figure out what your genuine calling is. If your relationship fails, the life lesson may be to become more self-sufficient. Concentrating on the lesson allows you to work on positive change, making you feel empowered rather than dejected.

ASK IF THE PROBLEM IS AS BIG AS IT SEEMS.

In our imaginations, tiny setbacks are frequently magnified into massive disasters. Little in life is as bad as it appears at first. Certain things are difficult, such as losing your job, your house, or, worse, someone you care about. Nonetheless, most problems can be resolved.

They can even be blessings in disguise. Barbara Rommer, M.D., conducted 300 interviews with people who had had near-death experiences. The majority of her subjects had spiritual awakenings, indicating that what did not kill them actually strengthened them.

Is it truly the end of the world, whatever you’re dealing with? And, more significantly, how satisfied would you be with yourself if you came back with an even better situation—a higher earning job or a more rewarding relationship?

MAKE “GET STRONG” YOUR MOTIVATION.

You may believe Kanye West has no place in the Psytify world, but he got one thing right: “N-n-now, anything which does not kill me can only make me stronger.”

This concept has saved me numerous times. At the age of twenty-one, I was hospitalized for four months with a terrible illness and missed my college graduation. So much about how it all played out felt unfair.

Then I remembered what my friend Rich had said to me: “I know you feel weak right now, but when you get strong, you’re going to rock the world.” I tell myself to keep moving forward whenever I face difficulty.

KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU CAN CONTINUE FROM THIS NEW LOCATION.

It’s easy to become attached to the path you’re on, especially if it brings you joy. When something or someone throws you off, you might feel disconnected from who you want to be or what you want to do in life.

It may be helpful to remember that a stumbling block does not have to destroy your plans. Even if you lose your job, you can still pursue your professional ambitions, possibly more effectively.

There is always more than one solution to a problem. The sooner you focus on finding a new approach, the sooner you’ll turn a bad thing around.

ASK YOURSELF HOW A RESPECTED PERSON WOULD HANDLE THE SITUATION.

I recently entered a blogging competition. To win, I needed public votes, and I mounted a massive campaign to collect them. I finished second with a little over 58,000 votes.

I was sad and maybe a bit humiliated when I didn’t win. In front of thousands of people, I’d failed. My finest effort was insufficient.

So I considered how someone of integrity would handle the matter. The answer: She’d congratulate the winner, reflect on what she’d learned from the experience, and move on to the next goal with her head held high. Following that suggestion made me feel proud of myself rather than disappointed.

I sincerely hope you find tools and ideas that are useful to you and that you feel confident implementing. I’m always available if you want to talk further or have any questions. I’m sending you so much love through whatever you’re going through, and I genuinely believe you have everything you need to get through it inside you.

I also want you to think about seeing a mental health professional. You do not have to face this alone. Remember that asking for support is part of being resilient.

https://www.quora.com/?time=1681383031630812&uid=1992540444&unh=c5cebd574a5252671b9e2e2707db8477

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